we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I would fuck him just for his dog
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
