It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
