Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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