I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
