I'm gonna have a badass scar
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
