and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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