Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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