pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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