I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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