and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
