i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
