weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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