you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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