Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My pussy is not your playground.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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