All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
