Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize