We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
