It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
