Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
