i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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