I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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