gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
