My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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