I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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