Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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