Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
