just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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