I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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