I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
