Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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