But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize