All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
its liver damage thursday
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
