addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
