Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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