totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
