those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
