Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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