he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
