Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
