I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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