I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
