you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
