a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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