well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
