walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
