Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
