So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
