sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
is it fun? or sober?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
