Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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