Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
