You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
