I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
