Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
How's work?
Spinning.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
