What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
