I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize