Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
