I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
