Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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