I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
