last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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