Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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