i think my tv is drunk
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
