Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
