God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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