its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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