just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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