I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
