i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
