my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
wow bdsm is so cute
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