Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
