im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Four minutes until I can fart!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize